Media Releases and Relevance = KIND OF IMPORTANT

In my job, I sometimes get really stupidly irrelevant media releases. The most stupidly irrelevant of these releases tend to come from a certain Federal Queensland Senator.

My personal (almost 100% conflicting) political views aside, if a media release is relevant to our audience, I pass it on to the news department or one of our announcers. If, like this one, it is SO BLATANTLY IRRELEVANT I WANT TO STAB MYSELF WITH A SPOON, I usually just delete it.

But when you get two or more of these ridiculously pointless e-mails a day, AND you don’t agree with the person’s politics, these are the kind of e-mails I want to send back. The bit in black is what I *would* send. The white bit (highlight the entire text to see it) is what I *want* to send, but have decided they can find via Google Alerts instead.

All copyright in the release below belongs to the Senator in question, but I’m sure he won’t mind me using it. It’s free publicity after all.

Enjoy.


*********************************

PRESS RELEASE
 

A certain Nationals Federal Queensland Senator thought this media release would be of interest to you.

13th April 2011

$20 million – not enough

Senator Queensland today promised the Labor Government “the mother of all campaigns” in every coastal seat in Australia over the government’s looming plans for massive marine reserves.

A story leaked to the Fairfax press this week “as a toe in the water” suggests the Government has set aside $20 million to compensate professional fishermen for fishing bans in the vast South-West Bioregion, stretching from the Fleurieu Peninsular in South Australia to north of Perth in Western Australia.

“What the Government needs to understand is that the people who are telling them that $20 million will be adequate are the people who advised the previous government that a handful of millions would compensate for fishing bans associated with the rezoning of the Great Barrier Reef marine Park in 2004.

“That bill reached over $220 million.”

Senator Queensland said professional and recreational fishermen needed to contradict a claim in the government’s leaked outline of the South-West constraints that reaction from fishing interests to the plans would be “muted.”

“I personally give an iron-clad guarantee the response will not be muted,” Senator Queensland said.

“This fight will be carried into every coastal seat in the country with a determination and a vigour that will unseat any Labor member within coo-ee of the coast, and deny Labor any chance of winning many more.

“The government is planning to use fishermen as a sop to the Greens, who are demanding that vast areas of Australia’s Exclusive Economic Zone be locked up.

“The Labor government in South Australia is already engaging in complementary zoning, ahead of the federal announcement, in ways that suggests what’s coming will play to the greens.

“There was also a hint in the story that there will be very strong protection for the Coral Sea, which is again in line with formal demands of the Greens.

“A tough anti-fishing regime in the South-West, followed by big constraints in the Coral Sea, will be the political obituary for any Labor politician in any coastal seat in every state and territory.”

ENDS

***************

Hi,

Would you please inform Senator Queensland that this media release was not relevant to either 2DU or Zoo FM, as our station is not on the coast. We are, in fact, five to six hours inland.

Also, we are not in Queensland, or any of the states mentioned directly in the release.

Finally, our local member, Mark Coulton, and all the Federal members in our broad listening area, are National Party representatives. As we have no Labor party representatives, the note of their unseating is completely pointless.

Thanks for your time. Please stop wasting mine.

Kind regards,

Noni Doll
Reception

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